It’s only been a few days but I already have so much to write about!  I thought I’d focus this post on the new concept of giving DJ choices rather than automatically telling him what or what not to do (unless it’s dangerous!).

This seems to be the most difficult category for me.  I’ve already become so used to saying, “put that down, come here, no no no!” that to stop and pause and think about two options that I’d be happy with him choosing is sometimes nerve wracking!  I’m also realizing that in order to use this with a young toddler, I need to stick with a lot of yes or no questions, or questions that involve “up or down”, “more or all done”.  The option of “You decide or I decide” will also be changed to “You choose or I choose”, after I realized that in DJ’s mind, “I decide” sounds very close to “Outside”, which happens to be one of his favorite words and favorite things to do.  I did get a good chuckle every time I asked him thought, because he would respond, “Outside!” and get all excited about it.  As his vocabulary continues to expand I’ll be able to give him more specific choices, and hopefully by then I’ll be quicker in giving them.

A small blunder: At one point during our day I asked DJ if he was all done his drink.  He said yes, and rather than say, “ok, give me your cup”, I asked him if he wanted to put it away in the fridge.  His response was a resounding “YES” in the form of a head shake and off we went.  The trouble arrived once the fridge door was open and the drink was on the shelf.  I couldn’t think of any options to give him at that point.  I just wanted to say, “OK, close the door!  That’s it, all done. No, don’t touch that, or that or that!”.  I ended up moving him out of the way and shutting the door myself.  After talking to Dwight later, I realized I could’ve simply said, “Ok, you can close the door or mommy will close the door.”  Obviously, this is a fairly simple choice, but I would’ve been happy with either result.

A small success: DJ was overtired and having a difficult time settling for a nap.  I had picked a book to read, but he didn’t even want to relax enough to start our routine and read.  I decided to ditch the book and pick two others and give him a choice between the two.  Surprisingly, that’s all he needed to settle down.  He pointed to one and relaxed right into my lap.  By the end of the second book, his second choice, he was ready to snuggle and then lay down.  Previously I probably would’ve ditched the book and fought a bit with him to get him to settle, so it was a pleasant surprise to see him respond so well.

So far, I’m excited and encouraged about how things are going.  Already I’ve noticed a marked change in how I feel at the end of the day.  With my focus on his choices and my choices, I’ve been able to separate myself from feelings of unnecessary responsibility.  Our first day of trying out this new approach started with an earlier wake up and was topped off by DJ refusing to nap.  Typically on a day when our routine has been thrown way off I will feel frustrated by the end.  I would normally be frustrated that I didn’t have the nap time to get done whatever I had on my list, or even just to get a good mommy break.  I’d also frustrated with his moodiness.  On this day, however, I felt peaceful.  I was able to realize that I did my best to provide him with napping opportunities, but ultimately, he didn’t take me up on it.  In fact, he instead took the time to pull his shirt over his head (sleeves still on though), remove his pants, and fling his diaper out of the crib.  I just had to laugh, it was all so out of my control.  And while he was tired, and a bit cranky, I knew it was because he made the choice to stay awake.  I felt sad for him that he was moody, but I didn’t allow it to affect my mood.  This, by far, is my greatest victory and realization.  Here’s to many more!