I recently discovered a couple of great tutorial sites,  PSDFan and PSDTuts.  With some of my spare time, I decided to follow the “Digitally Paint a Fantasy Tree Scene” tutorial by Maciej Kwas.

At first I was a little overwhelmed by looking at all the steps and detailed instructions, but I decided just to take it one step at a time.  I’m really happy with the results, and this has given me more confidence in my Photoshop skills.  I also must say that using my awesome tablet may have been key.  I will mention though, that it took me forever to find the grass brush at first.  I must have loaded new brush sets, rather than appending them, and missed the default set.  Now I know!

I’d love to hear thoughts/feedback/comments.  Or just say “hello”!

I’ve been thinking lately about how I’m a “worship leader” now. Dwight actually brought this to my attention recently. He asked me how it felt to be a worship leader, and honestly, my first reaction was that I didn’t want to be called that :_) I’m just unsure of the title I guess, and ultimately, I just want to be a worship leader. I feel like I have the skills to be a worship leader, I can sing, and play guitar ok :_) But I’ve never pursued worship leading as my “calling”. I love to worship, but I have never really seen myself leading worship full time for a church, or in front of huge crowds at conferences, or teaching seminars on worship, or writing a book about it… No, I really just want to be a worshiper :_)

This whole topic has also made me think about my “calling” a lot lately. Since I don’t see myself as being a full-time “worship leader” does that mean I’m called to something else? And is my calling actually about what I do?

In listening to tons of podcasts from IHOP, I’m beginning to realize that my calling really has nothing to do with my “ministry” or my “vocation”, but it has everything to do with my relationship with Jesus. It has everything to do with the way that I spend my time, how I think my thoughts, and what I allow myself to hear, see, and say.  Because Jesus wants my heart, he wants to know me, and his pursuit of me makes me want to know him more.  I’m finding that the only way to know him more is to spend time with him, by praying and reading the word. And it’s been so SO good and he’s meeting me there, which makes me want him even more.

I’m finding my true calling, my primary calling, and that’s intimacy with Jesus, and a history with him that is deep and wide.  I know I won’t always be this excited about it, but for the moment, I am.  I want to grow roots that go down deep into the soil and are firmly established in the truth.  So that when the drought comes, I’ll be ready :_)

So back to Sunday, and to explain the little title of this post.  After church was finished and I was packing up, Debbie came over (she’s the wife of Josh, who is interning with us for a couple months) and said she had a word for me.  During worship she had seen a dove come down above the stage and it flew directly between Martha and I.  Debbie laughed and said that as it flew by us, it looked like it was pooping on us, and she was like “what is that?!”.  Upon closer inspection, she realized that the dove was carrying little packages.  And as it flew back and forth between the stage and the sanctuary, it would take the packages to people, and drop them to them.  She felt like what she saw meant that as we were singing, the words that we sang was releasing things from heaven and bringing them to earth, and being released to the people in the congregation.

I was just so encouraged by what she shared.  I want to bring heaven to earth.  I want to sing prophetically and have things happen.  I want to see what the Father is doing, and do them here.  And the only way I will do that is with intimacy, my true calling.

Everything else will flow out of that.

Even dove droppings :_)

Things were starting to look up again too. Chris had just released the new worship schedule, and he was planning to lead twice this month, now that his voice has returned. So, in the midst of this crisis I am faced with leading worship more (which I actually love :_), although it can turn into that “one more thing on my plate” deal) and also plowing through our work deadline, which I was hoping to have some of Chris’ help with.

So what do I do!? Where do I begin? There are so many thoughts that could overwhelm me right now.

Well, Saturday night after we had heard the news, I decided to go to bed, as I was emotionally and physically pretty exhausted. I laid down and my mind wanted to wander and think about work and church the next morning and Chris & Martha… all these things. In the midst of all these thoughts, a larger thought came in and crowded them out, and it was this

“Rest. Just Rest. Rest in me. Just Rest.” And I knew God was speaking to my heart. All of the other thoughts melted away, and I fell asleep thinking about His rest.

So wouldn’t you know, at church on Sunday, Leif spoke about rest! To combat the fatigue, fear, failure & forsakeness that we can fall into during these difficult times, he said to rest! Throughout this whole weekend a verse has been in my mind, from Hebrews 4:11. I thought I’d share it with you:

Hebrews 4: 11

Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for ourselves], that no one may fall or perish by the same kind of unbelief and disobedience [into which those in the wilderness fell].

This verse is from the Amplified Bible. I love how it says to “be zealous, exert yourself, strive diligently” to rest in God! Sounds like it can be pretty hard to enter into rest sometimes, especially if we have to exert ourselves! I love how purposeful it is, and active. It’s not a passive thing.

So Father, this week as I meet deadlines, and talk to clients, and plan worship sets, and “do”, help me to enter your rest! I need your rest!

~Gwennie

I’m a fairly active dreamer. It is rare that I go a few nights without having at least one dream during the night. Often times they run together or disappear from my mind before I can write them down, but sometimes they stick with me.

Two nights ago, 2/27, I had a dream that I still remember, and part of me feels like it has significance, but I can’t quite explain why. I just thought I’d write it down and share it.

In my dream I was driving down the road. I was trying to get to a meeting somewhere, and it was actually in my “hometown” of E-burg. I kind of felt like I was going to visit my parents, but I never got there. Instead, as I was driving, the sky was getting dark and cloudy. The swirly kind of stormy sky that you see in the movies. As I was approaching the major intersection leading into E-burg, suddenly these four cyclones appeared in the sky. One of them was heading right in the path of where I needed to go. The cyclones were terrifying. I remember in my dream just being awed and amazed and terrified, but not in a scary way. It was almost exhilarating, but still terrifying.

As I approached the intersection the cyclone got closer and closer, and I decided I was going to avoid it by turning left at the light instead of going straight. There were cars all around me, the usual kind of traffic, and I could see some of them were being blown about by the wind, but my car wasn’t moved. I navigated my way through the intersection and started heading up the road, knowing that I wouldn’t make it to my parents.

I woke up from my dream and could still feel the exhilaration that I felt in the dream, and actually, just writing it down and recalling it all makes me kind of excited :_)

I had another dream last night, 2/28.

I was at a church meeting, and this older man was a visiting speaker/prophet. He was at the end of the service and I feel like he gave an altar call but no one went forward. So I was sitting in my seat, wondering why no one was going forward, while at the same time I felt the need to get up and go. At this point, the man is sort of pacing, and walking back and forth, round and round. I decide to finally go up front and before I know it there are about 10 people around me. Even thought there’s lots of room up front, they are all around me. I closed my eyes and began to pray and all of a sudden I was falling. It was like I was falling in the spirit, but it felt like I was soaring. The situation fell out of my mind and it was just me falling, but I wasn’t falling down, it was like I was falling up. I could sort of see my body at this point, and I was being held up by the group of people, my dad was the only one that I recognized at that point. He held my up, at my shoulders and my head. I remember being laid down on the floor, and for some reason my shoes were off. Then I heard someone mention that I had a tick on my foot, which kind of knocked my out of my “out of body-ness” and then I was awake and trying to pick this tick off of my foot.

This dream really had a “residual” feeling to it too. I can still feel the feeling of “falling up”. I can’t quite describe it, but it’s been with me all day.

So there’s a little glimpse into my dreams :_) Pretty crazy eh? I love dreaming and I usually feel there’s significance to them. I keep trying to write them down so that I have a record of them, just to see what themes keep being repeated.

I’m just so gripped by the fact that God wants ME. He doesn’t want my ministry, or what I can create for him or do for him. He just wants me. He wants time with me. He wants my heart. And so this picture is what it looks like to me. What Gods desire for me looks like.

I was definitely not at that place.

In fact, I was bored.

And this is all a little hard to be sharing with the “world”, but it gets better

I think what it boils down to, is that I had fallen into a rut. I was leading worship on Sundays, experiencing God in powerful ways, and then as the week went on I would lose that fire and feeling, and by the time Sunday came again I was empty. There was no sustainability. I was frustrated, and didn’t quite know what needed to change.

So one Sunday a couple weeks ago, Doug was preaching about revelation, and how we need revelation in our lives. That we can’t learn revelation from other people, but it comes from the written word of God, which leads us to the living word, Jesus. Well I got a revelation that day! I haven’t had a consistent quiet time, ever. I barely read my bible, never sit down to just pray, and the couple times that I’ve tried to spend some time with God I just felt like nothing was happening. I was waiting for the audible voice, or the crazy out of body experience in the spirit and it wasn’t there. I wanted instant, drive-through experience.

So as I was still thinking about Doug’s message, one night I was sitting at my desk with nothing to do really, and Dwight asks me when I’m going to get into podcasts. So, that night I got into podcasts My favorite new worship music has come IHOP which is a missions base in Kansas City. They have a 24/7 house of prayer, and so I thought I’d look for a podcast by Misty Edwards, one of their worship leaders.

So I listened to a couple of her podcasts, and then I was listening to more by some other people from IHOP, and all of a sudden my heart and spirit were being stirred and I was getting excited. Something within me was being awakened. I wanted to read my bible. I wanted to dig in and see for myself what they were talking about. I wanted intimacy with God, in fact I needed it! I had been so bored for too long. I knew that the only way to grow, to go deeper, would be to stretch my muscles, and dig into the word and get to know God in a way that I’ve never known him. I needed to pursue him and chase after him, just as he’s pursued me and chased after me for so many years. I finally knew what was missing!

I had been doing so many things in my own strength, without really having intimacy with God. I didn’t have any foundation. My house (faith) was built on sand, and I knew that one day the storms could come and my whole foundation would be washed away. I need to build my house on The Rock. I need intimacy with the Father. I need to know God’s love for me, his deep love for me that has nothing to do with how much I do or how well I do it.

So, that’s what this blog is about. It’s about me digging in and sharing what I learn. It’s been a week and a half that I’ve been having a consistent prayer time, and I can already say that I love it, and I look forward to it more and more.

This is my prayer:

“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:17-19

~Gwennie

Since I’m at work at the moment, I’ll be adding more later tonight (for real!)