I read a book soon after our son DJ was born entitled, “Loving Our Kids on Purpose” by Danny Silk and it opened my eyes to a new way of parenting.  This book is very different than other parenting books.  Rather than the focus being obedience, compliance, and control it focuses on the heart connection that a parent and child need.  And with that connection comes honor, respect, and self-control.  This blog will be a journal of my(our) experience with parenting DJ this way.  I know I won’t always do it well, and we’ll have some things to figure out together, but I’m excited.  I want him to learn how to control himself, from a young age.  I also want to learn to control myself, and to parent my child with love and respect.

I’m going to focus on three things:

1. Giving DJ choices – These choices need to be options that both he and I can appreciate.  They also need to be safe.  I obviously won’t give him the choice to play with an electrical outlet, “be electrocuted or not?”.  Choices I might give, “Would you like your diaper change upstairs or downstairs?  On the floor or the table?  Do you want to climb the steps or be carried?”  Obviously, the choice can’t be, “Do you want your diaper changed?” because that is a necessity at this point in his life.

2. Fun to be with? – Rather than punishing and trying to control unwanted behavior, ie: “Stop that, don’t do that, no, no, no”, I want to give him a choice to be “fun to be with”.  In our case it will apply mostly to the dishwasher and the kitchen cabinets, or screaming, throwing, climbing on the coffee table, etc.  I’ll say, “Hey, that’s no fun. Do you want to be fun or go in the other room?”  If he continues the behavior I’ll ask, “you decide or I decide?”, then “Walk or be carried?”.  The goal of this is in the end, it’s his choices that are leading him to the other room.  When he comes back I’ll say, “Hey!  Are you going to be fun to be with? (big smile at him)”.  If he smiles, then I’ll say great!  If he continues in the unwanted behavior, he’ll get to choose again, “Fun or the other room?” .  I admit I have fairly low expectations on this working with a 17mo old.  However, my son is very smart, and I want to give him credit.  I also want this to be second nature to me the moment he truly does understand.

3. Telling him what I will do – rather than saying, “Bring me the lid to your cup”, I’ll say, “I will give you the milk when you bring me the lid”.  This gives him the option to control himself in the situation, and to produce the outcome that he wants.  The bonuses for me are that I won’t have to chase him around, and I won’t have to feel responsible for getting the milk to him too slowly while he protests.  He’s responsible for his “show/tantrum/attitude”.

Now that we’ve welcomed our newest addition to the family, little Levi, I can’t guarantee to post too often.  I do hope, however, to have some fun stories to share about our new transition as a family of 4.

Thanks for reading!

Gwen aka Nilly Momma